Fiction from Agni, Web Issue 1
GEORGE PACKER
The Road to Point Reyes
Paged in San Francisco International, for a moment Raines didn't
know if he'd really heard it. Like anyone, he spent so much of his
life thinking about himself that at first it just sounded like more of
the same, an amplification from his skull, as if everyone in the
airport had suddenly overheard his thoughts. A page pulled you
back to your actual existence in the world, which in the case of
people like him could be a long haul.
"Bill Raines, Bill Raines. White courtesy telephone please."
Raines was in town to read a paper before the Modern
Languages Association; and on the back of this paper he was hoping
ride his way to tenure. But today his hands demanded occupa tions he couldn't find for them, his whole body seemed held
together with old masking tape, and now, exposed by the page, he
was balked: for his friend Marty was nowhere to be seen.
The white courtesy telephone instructed Raines to call Marty's
home number. He went to the bank of phones next to a sourdough
tourist shop and dialed.
"This is Martin Lee," said the answering machine.
"Martin" was a recent development. Ever since they'd met in
college he'd been Marty to Raines, but at some point professional
colleagues and new girlfriends began calling him Martin and Raines
felt they were talking about someone he didn't know. On the tape
Marty enunciated the "t" as if he wasn't used to the name himself.
"Bill, if it's you, sorry-I got an audition I just have to make. If
you go to this cafe across from the studio I'll meet you there as soon
as I get out." Marty gave the address and promised to cover cab fare.
"Sorry. I know you wouldn't do this to me, buddy." The beep
caught Raines by surprise.
"Hamlet at last," he said, then wondered how he could get rid of
the message, for there was an edge he wanted to erase from his voice.
In the taxi Raines felt his heart ease a little from its northeastern
clench. His spirits always rose when he came out to see Marty, and
though Raines's thinking seldom led to absolute knowing he at
least knew the reason for this: Marty made him like himself better.
San Francisco lay white and clean in December sunlight. Chrome
gleamed on 101, to the right the bay looked Aegean-blue under a
smudge of smog; every surface was bright and placid. Illusion, all
illusion. On recent visits Marty had guided him through the earth-
quaked Marina, and the charred Oakland hills where only the
chimneys were standings man whose house the fire had spared
was sheepishly watering his lawn on a ruined street. Amid natural
disasters and other adventures Raines felt great fondness for Marty,
who was much more extensively acquainted with the world.
Tomorrow after his talk, when things were back to normal, God
willing, maybe they would drive to Napa or Big Sur. Raines once
suggested going with Marty's older brother Ramon, who was a
delinquent of some sort, to a biker bar. He imagined Ramon as a
colorful and amusing figure from low life, like the Dennis Hopper
character in "Easy Rider." But Marty had vetoed the idea.
Raines sat for thirty minutes with a latte in the Limelight Cafe,
removing and replacing commas in his talk, hearing tenured
catcalls. Finally he couldn't stand it and walked across Mission
Street. In front of a converted storage warehouse Marty's car was
parked-impossible to miss, a red MG, bought used. On the direc-
tory by the steel front door, between a film processing studio and a
graphic arts company, Raines located the Jones & Weisberg
Advertising Group.
Not Hamlet-of course. Stage parts had been slow coming, and
for a couple of years now commercials were Marty's bread and
butter. He had to earn a living-yes, Raines told himself, we all do.
He went up four flights in a service elevator and came out into a
loft with giant posts and beams, old pine floors stained amber, and a
door across the hall marked Jones & Weisberg. The partitioned
waiting room was empty: through an open door half a dozen men
were sitting against a brick wall. Some had their eyes closed with
their heads tilted back; others were murmuring without looking at
each other. They all held file folders and wore nice jackets and they
had strong chins and mostly blond hair-a subdued, vain-looking
bunch. Immaculate for the firing squad. Raines knew what that felt
like. Getting unfriendly glances, but afraid he'd missed Marty on the
way in, he pressed past them along the corridor and turned through
an open door to find himself in an enormous room at the far end of
which men in business suits were sitting around a conference table.
He didn't think Marty had seen him. Marty was otherwise
occupied. While the businessmen-about half of them were
Asians-watched from their chairs, Marty was circling the long
table, head erect. The careful smoothness of his walk put Raines in
mind of the name Martin. Someone spoke and Marty stopped
under a track light. It gleamed on his black hair, which was wet
with styling gel. In his blazer he turned from side to side, front,
back, like a woman modelling clothes. A tight smile was frozen on
his face. Raines heard him say something, and he was spoken to, and
he said it again and then again in the same tone and rhythm. The
businessmen stared, conferred. One of the Asians shook his head.
People always wanted to ask Marty: "What are you?" Spanish,
American Indian, Eurasian, Persian? His father, a Korean foreign
service officer, had abandoned the family and gone back to Seoul;
his mother had been his father's maid in Bogoti and was now
lapsing back into Andean mysticism up the coast in Olema, where
Marty was obliged to look in on her at least once a week.
According to a woman friend from college, Marty's eyes made you
want to rub him down with coconut oil and sing lullabies. Marty
did very well with women. It was important to remember that
because right now, with these men, his looks weren't working to his
advantage. Raines was conscious of wrongdoing, the way he felt as a
boy when, through a bedroom door, he'd seen his teenage cousin
undressing and had to stand and watch.
The businessmen had about finished with Marty. An Asian
spoke to his American counterpart, who spoke to Marty, who took
one more turn around the table. When he passed, stiff-spined, under
a well of light, misery was stifled on his illuminated mouth.
Suddenly he began to squat as if he was going to sit on the floor.
Then he raised his arms and jumped up, leaping to full extension.
He could have dunked a basketball. He came down with beautiful
grace, feet together. A moment later he was thanked and dismissed.
Raines fled past the row of men into the waiting room and
began studying one of the firm's framed awards, hoping whatever
was on his face would fade before Marty spotted him. Rapid strides
came down the corridor.
"What are you doing here?"
Turning in mock-surprise, Raines was checked from his
chummy spiel by what he saw in Marty's face. H's flesh was
mottled, his eyes were moist. The expression under the track light
had opened up like a wound. When Raines embraced him their
heads kept moving to the same side. In his blazer Marty felt
starched. "Let's get out of here," he said.
At the elevator he kept poking the down button.
"Damn Japanese. They turned a hundred thousand of my
Korean sisters into comfort women."
Raines didn't know whether to laugh. As far as he knew, Marty
had never expressed remotely ethnic sentiments.
"I love what you do for me," Marty sang. "Toyota!" He raised
his arms and started into the slow-motion leap, knees bending; but
this time he didn't finish it. Straightening, he engaged Raines s eyes.
"Let me tell you about the script," Marty said, but he didn't unlock
the gaze and his brown almond eyes gleamed with the power of
injury until Raines had to look away, ashamed, relieved, knowing
he'd been seen but Marty was going to spare him from pretending
that his friend hadn't been humiliated before his eyes. Marty had
never looked at him this way. It unnerved Raines.
They got on the elevator. Through the closing doors Marty
stared at the premises of Jones & Weisberg.
"So I'm the husband of a new-type couple. Two kids. We're
fairly hip and we like speed and style but we also have strong family
values. Plus we're very economy-minded, this being the nineties.
Obviously we drive a Camry."
"All this is in the script?"
"Hey, they do a lot of work with character. "Was he kidding?
Unsure, Raines split the difference and grunted tonelessly. "So in
the piece there's an aerial shot of our car in various American
locales-the standard Monument Valley, Everglades, California
coast-they're planning a shoot along Point Reyes. My mother
could have baked for the crew. Then I come on in voice over
and say, 'I wanted my kids to see this beautiful country of ours.'
Then we pull into the driveway and the miles per gallon appears
on the screen. 'l also wanted something in my pocket when we
got back home.'"
Raines realized that this was what Marty had been repeating for
the businessmen.
"An appeal to crude nationalism?"
"You bet. You're practically supposed to think the car was made
in America." Marty gave Raines the smallest of smiles. "Clearly I
was inappropriate."
"I wonder why they auditioned you."
"My agency tries hard. And in my glossy I almost look
Caucasian. It downplays my epicanthic folds. But Bill, while they
were checking me out I was checking them out and I couldn't get
this scenario out of my head. Remember the Joe Isuzu ads, with
subtitles- 'He's lying'? When the Toyota people do the freeze-
frame on my patriotic Jump at the end, here are the subtitles: He's
the product of a Sino-Hispano-dysfuncto family. His father is a
Korean trading competitor. His immigrant mother is bankrupting
Medicare and Social Security. His brother associates with the urban
underclass.' Wouldn't it make a great ad?"
They went through the steel door into the soft winter sunlight
of Mission Street. Marty seemed to be waiting for an answer.
"Is it always such a beauty-contest atmosphere?" Raines asked.
"What do you mean?"
Marty knew what he meant. Raines began to understand that he
wasn't going to be forgiven. Behind the charade there was always
the truth-but charades served a purpose.They spared feelings, and
wasn't that worth something? To Raines it was worth a lot.
"Let's stop talking about those assholes," Marty said. "I don't
want this to become an indelible memory."
When they were in the MG, the canvas top 'use over their scalps,
Marty put his key in the ignition and stared through the windshield. "That's what my work is like, Bill."
"Christ, that's fine."
"That's about it, in there."
They drove west on Fell, along the Panhandle toward Golden
Gate Park. Raines had his window down and occupied himself with
the reviving smell of eucalyptus.
"Are you exhausted?" Marty asked. "Do you want to go straight
to my place? Or take a drive through the park?"
"I always like to see those Japanese cypress or whatever."
"They even make better trees."
Marty suddenly sounded lighthearted, and in his relief Raines
couldn't help saying, "You look really well, buddy."
"Do you think so?" Marty glanced at Raines and then at the
rear-view as if for confirmation. "I'm glad to hear you say that. It
really cheers me up to see you, Bill. It always makes me think things
are going to go well."
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