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Letter to Walt Whitman
Mark Doty
Dear Walt,
I hope this
finds you—telegraphed
by etheric mail, some celestial fax
relayed by atmospheric transmission—
finds you, I won’t say well, since where you are
health I presume is immaterial:
you’re entirely body, incorporated
in a vitality without ceasing,
or else utterly incorporeal:
are you more than editions, or the grave’s
uncondition’d hair? (More likely, these days,
permed and mowed to chemical perfection.)
I hope this reaches you. I know I set
my hand to a somewhat tired task;
you’ve been bothered all century, poets
lining up to claim lineage. And not just
poets—even a photobook, brand new,
andsome lads wrestling in sepia,
freshly laved by some historic stream:
the roughs are models now, and pose in nothing
on the opposite pages from stanzas
of your verse, a twentieth century
letter to you. As are, I’m convinced,
the scrawls beneath the underpass, ruby
and golden cuneiform writ and re-
inscribed on traincar sides: songs of myself
and my troops, spraypainted to our prophet,
who enjoins us to follow—what else?—
our own lights, glimmered intuitions
in the body’s liquid meshes, our own
bodies and the bodies beside us. . . .
I am so far from you, Uncle, and yet
in this way emboldened:
Last summer, in the year of our ______
nineteen hundred ninety-six, Paul and I
drove to Camden, the green and pleasant burb
of your last days. Your house still stands—modest,
clapboard, dwarfed by the prison glowering
across the tympanic street, where trucks shock
themselves percussively on outrageous
potholes. Jail, detox, welfare:Jersey dumps
whatever it doesn’t want and Camden
accepts it all, Camden’s the hole in which
we throw anything, neighborhood so torched
it doesn’t even have a restaurant.
You dwelt here, honored, half-confined, hailed
in your bed as a sage by a country
you helped to misunderstand you. But I
get ahead of myself, Walt; the docent
unbolted the door to your manila
rooms, honey of June sun through shades the tint
of old newsprint: mahogany, hooked rugs.
Rotogravures fired by that filtering
amber. We loved the evidence of you,
even while the swoops of car alarms
decibeled to heaven outside, and rips
and crashes by the curb made us sure
our car’d been stripped to the chassis.
Here your backpack, crumpled like a leather
sigh; a bit of your handwriting, framed;
a menu for a testimonial,
and far too many photos of your tomb:
the stuff of image, ceremonial,
useless pomp in which you readily
partook—was this what we’d come to see?
Then one thing made you seem alive:
your parrot, Walt, friend of the last years,
a hand-span tall, yellow and a vivid
demonstration of what is meant by
parrot green, lusters preserved
by the taxidermist’s wax, or the box
in which he perched, or by feathers’ sheer
propensity to last. Your bird, man,
who ate from your own hand! And sat astride
your shoulder—did he?—while you read the mail.
On whose bright eye’s skim (glass now, of course,
liquid original long lost to time)
curved this room, light through—could they have been?—
these shades, while you crooked a finger to chuck
his ruffed neck. He’s jaunty, brave, the painted
jungle behind him gloamed in darkening.
linseed, little head crooked toward the future,
ambiguous as a construction by Cornell. . . .
I thought if I bent near that glass I bent,
patriarch, closer to you—that bird
had your ear, didn’t he, and if I leaned
toward his still-inquiring, precious eye . . .
I hardly heard the racket outside,
diminishing tremolo of sirens,
names the boys broke, laughing, as a bottle
smashed: I bent toward your glassed companion
still these ninety years in his sealed vitrine;
suddenly I seemed to see, tender, as
if I could smell it, Walt, vulnerable,
powdered, warm, the skin of your neck. . . .
Granted
this intimacy, I have some questions
for you. Did you mean it? The vision, I mean,
democratic America joined by
mutual delight in the beauty of boys,
especially working-class ones? I joke.
I know you meant adhesiveness, the bond
of flesh to equal flesh, might be basis
of an order—a compact founded on
skin’s durable, knowable flame. I’ve felt
what I think you meant, in the steam, of course,
when gay men go (or went) to lay down
every vestige of identity save
skin, and find in that stripping to bare fact
delight and unity which sometimes blur
all differences, at least until you’ve come
and gone. I don’t mean to romance this, Walt,
but much of what I’ve known of fellowship
I’ve apprehended in the basest church,
—where we’re seldom dressed, and the affable
equality among worshippers is
something like your democratic vista,
men held in common by our common skin.
Though it needn’t take sex to understand:
once, in a beach-side shed packed with men,
all girths and degrees of furred and smooth, firm
and softened, muscled, skinny, fishbelly
to warm rose to midnight’s dimmest spaces
between stars, sunburnt on my bench, waiting
my turn in the mist of shower steam,
I thought, we’re all here, every one of us,
the men of the world in the men’s house, nude,
bathed, buffed with towels, the young men and old
and boys bathing together, so much flesh
in one place it seemed to be of the soul . . .
as if I stood in that fogged, common room
through which each individual enters
the world, and each of us, nameless, already
in the body that would be ours, would
be ourselves, was awaiting our turn,
and so we stood in sympathy, since we
understood that our fellows would suffer,
knew we each were entering our pathless,
singular, mutual lot. . . . And I can
understand how you might base on that
a social vision, Walt, though, each of us
left the warm and darkened
shed in separate
clothes, in separate cars which drained out
of the parking lot onto the blacktop
nd then the expressway back to the city,
headed home to the song
of my self, self,
self. That common moment, unguarded,
skin to skin, why didn’t it make us change?
—I confess I have been interrupted
here by two Jehovah’s Witnesses—
men in skinny neckwear with a boy in tow,
his dad’s blonde miniature—knocking
with millennial threats and promises.
Walt, I was not polite. Our poets fear
the didactic, the sweeping claim; we let
the televangelists and door-to-door
preachers talk hope and apocalypse
while we tend more private gardens. You saw
shattered soldier boys bound up in their beds,
lost your day job for writing scandalous
verse; you knew no one would base a world
upon what you believed: incendiary,
peculiar, nothing a “good gray poet”
could avow. Imagine being called that,
imagine liking it . . . Your little parrot’s
ghost tweaks my ear, cautionary note:
how could I know the price you had to pay,
what you had to say to get away with
what you did, astonishing: you made it
plain it was no conflation to mistake
the nipple for the soul, spray and souse
of ejaculate for the warm rain of heaven.
It stops my breath, to think of what you said.
How? Walt, I am writing you now from
Columbus, Ohio, the fourteenth floor,
Hyatt Regency Hotel, tower attached to
a convention center bland as a tomb,
though the simile lends a gravity
actuality lacks: acres of carpet,
humming fluorescent tubes, artfully buoyed
air, all of it waiting for someone to sell
somebody something. It’s Sunday. I am
a visiting poet here, currently
off-duty. I’d like you to see my view:
candescent sky, fueled with orange plumes
and smudgings of a darkling plum, one of
Rothko’s brooding visions of what it was
Moses heard, all of it spread over
the financial district of Columbus,
which just now I find strangely lovely.
Down there in the nearly vacant civic
plazas a few figures hurry against
a vicious spring wind, random Ohioans,
black sparks from an original flame. Men
and women crowding fast in the streets, if
they are not flashes and specks what are they?
I’ve traveled, Signor, these states, and write you
now from home, most of the day gone. Paul’s done
the laundry, and downstairs on the couch reads
Proust. Soon we’ll go for Viet Namese.
This to say we have what amounts to
marriage, at once sexy, serviceable,
pleasant, plain. You might have live liked this
a while with Peter Doyle, who now can say?
Of our company in your century,
dust and silence almost all erase. Walt,
I wonder if you’d like those boys
in underpants looming huge on billboards
over Seventh Avenue? We’re freer now,
despite pockets of provinciality,
and move from ghetto to turbid mainstream.
And—explain this to a ghost!—our theorists
question fixed notions of identity,
insist that sex is in more ways than one
slippery. Are you who you love, or can
you dwell in categorical ambiguity?
Our numbers divide, merge and multiply;
shoulder to shoulder with our fellow folk,
who’s to say just who anyone is? You
couldn’t have imagined how many of us,
—not just men who love men, I mean all we
uncountable specks and flares, powerless, ferociously uncertain. . . . You would not
like it here, despite the grassy persistence
of your name: I’ve crossed the Walt Whitman Bridge,
PA to Jersey, past Walt Whitman High, have even stopped on the Turnpike at
(denigration of our brightest hopes)
the Walt Whitman Service Area: shakes
and fries, glide on the open freeway
splitting what’s left of your American
night, red sparks thrown from semi windows arced
in Independence Day contrails . . . flashes
and specks? What could it mean, for a vision to come true? Clearly not the child’s-dream
polychrome of these Jehovah’s Witness tracts—
happy people in sparkling nature,
a sparkling city welcoming. . . . Vision’s an internal text, meaning you wrote
in your elusive ink a book which reads
us, against which we are read. Poems
are written on the back of time, inscriptions on the wrong side of a photograph:
scribbled flourish of our possibility.
Is it true then, what your descendant said,
that poetry’s what makes nothing happen? Just yesterday we worked in the garden,
earliest spring, brave sky, our apricot
newly burst into the first of seven
burning days. (This week I saw a comet from a plane, ancient tail a slurred flame;
it trailed these petals’ icy double
through the midnight air.) We took off our shirts,
raked the dregs of winter leaves, glad for the sun, Uncle, while slender bees worried the blooms
in sun-buzzed endeavoring. We drove
to Fred Meyer, a sort of omnistore,
for saline solution, gym shorts, a rake. In the big store’s warmth and open embrace
who could I think of but you? We were all
Americans there—working, corporate,
bikers, fancy wives, Hispanic ladies with seriously loaded shopping carts,
one deftly accessorized crossdresser,
Indian kids with armloads of Easter
candy, all of us standing, khakis to jeans, in the bond of our common needs
Everyone that sleeps is beautiful,
you wrote; I say everyone who shops is
also lovely: we go out together to try on what the world is made of, to
accommodate all that bounty, to know
what it is our fellows praise and appraise,
to see what’s new. As if to purchase were to celebrate. I stand close with the other
shoppers, each in turn, I dream in my dream
all the dreams. . . . Who could be hopeful, most days,
for the sheer ascending numbers of us, the poisoned sky and trees? But still I thought
of our apricot’s brandished, upright flame,
white scintillation held to the face
of the ether, new bees about their work as though there’d never been a winter.
You answer me as the dead do.
And the poem stops here, Walt, while Paul
and I load the car with more than we’d ever thought we’d need, white plastic bags flapping
in the breeze—the poem stops here,
in the parking lot, waiting for you.
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