Nin Andrews

Consider perspective as a case in point. You loved toinform me that far-away things appear smaller. 

I am here to tell you that distant things grow bigger.Missing objects are the largest of all. Their shadows can loom above usand darken an entire universe. In a single instant, they build cities ofmemory without a misplaced word. 

I know this for a fact. At a certain point in a life,an absence begins to grow. Your shadow, for example, is now drifting acrossmy sheets and ceilings. 

Just the other night, you were standing behind me in themirror and in the department store windows and on the subway and at Arabica'scoffee shop, and when I stared at my eyes to apply mascara, I glimpsedyou in the dark glow of my pupils. Once, in desperation, I called to aman walking beneath my window on a summer night, and he became you

with your sleeves rolled up to your elbows, your coldsmoker's fingers. Instantly I caught a whiff of his fragrance, inhaledhim as deeply as a summer rose. Such a scent! Call it bliss, eternity,oblivion, seventh heaven, the names of a thousand and one perfumes, thescent of a man in heat. 

Oh yes, men are in heat, everywhere. Now that you aregone.

from Why They Grow Wings, SilverfishPress, 2001