The Obsession || Nin Andrews

Chapbook Selections From Web Del Sol

THE OBSESSION

Nin Andrews

Occasionally the sailor has visions and sees a woman swimmingnude beneath his ship, though when he dives into the green waves, he findsonly white jellyfish, opening and closing like small umbrellas. He remembersthe time when he was a boy and imagined ordinary stones such as quartzand fool's gold were valuable gems, lovely enough to win the heart of thegirl next door. He never bothered to pick up the stones. Even then he knewthe girl could never love him. The more he thought about her not likinghim, the more he despised her. The more he despised her, the more he wantedto watch her, follow her, sit behind her and never let her out of his sight.That was the beginning of the obsession.

Evenings he stayed up late, peeking through his Venetianblinds, hoping to catch a glimpse of her in her pink pajamas. Every nightof the week she would stretch out on the lime green carpet in her livingroom and do her homework in front of the flickering TV. The boy believedthat if he didn't watch her, she might not do her homework. Then she woulddo poorly in school and be mocked, and he would have to protect her. How? He didn't have a clue. Better to be certain she did her work.

But the more he stared at her, the more beautiful shebecame: her skin softening, blushing, and sometimes the silk of her hairon his face wakened him from his dreams. He became convinced that his eyesgave off a kind of glow that polished the girl, like an apple, that shecould never have been as lovely if he had not looked at her so frequently,so intensely. He wondered if his staring might have made her breasts grow,just as the sun's heat and light can cause fruit to ripen.

That's when he realized her beauty had become a kind ofdeath wish. Like a mirage of an oasis in the Sahara, something that wouldenhance but never quench his thirst. No wonder years later he still sawher breasts in the middle of the sea. No wonder he hated her.

from Spontaneous Breasts, PearlEditions, 1998

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