What Keith the Rancher Said About Castrating the Bulls

Rosemary Daniell

"We are all H.I.V. Positive"
      -- tattoo on the left hand of performance artist Dimanda Galas

"We wear a rubber glove    up over the elbow --
the calves   they're held up there with 'em hangin' down
we pull 'em out    till the blood vessels break:    that way
they heal up quick    don't bleed so much. We just cut 'em off
toss 'em into a bucket. They're good sliced up    fried
with a little batter on 'em. Once I kept throwing 'em into
one a those rubber gloves    then threw it into the freezer --
some woman saw it 'n started screamin'    thinkin'
it was somebody's amputated arm in there....
Does it hurt the bulls like it would a man? You bet!
They've got the same nerve endin's. But there's a difference:
for them    it's just that one second: they don't think
about it 'fore hand    they don't think about it afterwards...."

And yes    as children    didn't we each dream it would be
different for us?    That we would somehow escape
unscathed?    I read somewhere that suffering is not
the pain itself    but staying in the pain. And
that's what we humans are good at. Memory
that blessing & curse    makes it easy to grieve
for a lifetime    to think of what was & what might
have been. While the cattle stand knee-deep in snow
or lie among the rocks    rough brush    dreamless
we toss in warm beds    knowing too well what the next
phone call    the next day   might bring: that each moment
of peace holds within it    a hidden twin: the teratoma
of our missing parts: the seeds of our loss    or of someone's.