Experimental Researches on the
Irrational Embellishment of Chicago
i.m. André Breton, his city and his schemes
Should one preserve, modify, change or suppress:
The Water Tower
Place it underwater off the easternmost point of Navy Pier. Replace it with a seventy-foot high barber pole.
Buckingham Fountain
Fill the fountain daily with gold coins bearing Mayor Daley’s saying from the 1968 Democratic National Convention, "To Preserve the Existing Disorder." They are free for the taking.
The Picasso
Destroy it and use the scrap metal to build many tiny wind-up toys in the shape of Al Capone. Release these on Daley Plaza under a banner reading "A Local Pride."
Wrigley Field
Replace the scoreboard with a giant slot machine bearing the motto "The City that Works."
The Museum of Contemporary Art
All exhibited works are to be fastened to the exterior of the building.
The Statue of Goethe
Place it atop one of the housing projects at Stateway Gardens, next to a life-sized Mammy-style cookie jar. Have the Mayor explain how they are emblems of the city's compassion.
Soldier Field
Rename it "Upton Sinclair Field" and convert it into a slaughterhouse. Broadcast images from the stun-line in those television slots formerly devoted to the Bears.
The Art Institute
Leave the artwork on the walls, but convert the interior space into a parking garage for clerical staff working in offices in the Loop.
The Sears Tower
To be used for the anchoring of dirigibles, the only access to the city by air.
Mestrovic’s Grant Park Indians
Leave them exactly as they are.
ROBERT ARCHAMBEAU's book of poems Home and Variations will appear this year from Salt. His books include Word Play Place: Essays on the Poetry of John Matthias (Ohio), Vectors: New Poetics (Samizdat) and the chapbooks Citation Suite and Another Ireland (Wild Honey). He's working on a series of poems about Iggy Pop, and hates the Bush administration even more than you do.
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