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The limits of the sports team in my area mean the limits of my world.


What this country needs is a really good five-cent blow job.

varieties of safe sex

  1. Pushing a flashlight into a sock.
  2. Grinding your teeth.
  3. Hopping.
  4. Tying up your partner, then tying up yourself.
  5. Setting fire to a supermarket receipt.
  6. A wedding.
  7. Stammering.

vegan jokes

One thing about these vegan gals, though, they're friendly! Why I'll never forget this vegan gal opened the door in her negligee--which is sort of an odd place to have a door.


Reminds me of the vegan gal who went to Hollywood to become a movie star and ended up in nothing but shorts...


So this guy says to this vegan hatcheck girl, "Hand me my fedora," but she thinks he said...

know your words

The dog _____ in the living room.

The dog _____ was everywhere.

The children like to _____ in their pants.

John _____ in his pants yesterday.

3 christmas poems

A Christmas Card

Those reindeer
With those tuft things
Under their lips
Are pretty hip.

I think more
Children should play
With elves, but
That's out now.


Coal In Your Stocking

I placed coal in your stocking
Because I wanted to be near you

Do not punish me.


Saint Nicholas

Though I call you Mrs. Claus,
Though we do that in bed together,
Still I do not see you.
My eyes are watering in distant chimneys.

is this story about peanut butter?

"Hey, look who's riding the big tandem! It's Mike!" said Dave.

"What's happening?" said Kevin. "Last time I saw him he was a boardless ho-dad like you and me!"

"Mike! What gives, cut-buddy? How'd you dig up the coin for this mean hunk of surfboard?"

"A custom job!" said Dave. "And I'm doing well to keep myself in peanut butter!"

"If you think it looks good," Mike crowed, "wait'll you try it!"

"Not now, Dad," Kevin sucked his breath. "Too bloated from the peanut butter...I'd do well to paddle out through the breakers!"

"You'd do well to quit burning up your pocket money on PB&Js. I did and banked the cash instead...You're looking at what it got me," Mike bragged.

"Makes sense!" said Dave. "I'd trade peanut-butter breath for a board and a babe like that any day! Let's give it a try! Maybe in a few months..."

Peanut butter doesn't pay!

One jar of peanut butter a day costs $730 or more a year!

Two jars of peanut butter a day cost $1,460 or more a year!

Four jars of peanut butter a day cost $2,920 or more a year!

Peanut butter has no effect on the rotation of the earth!

Why enrich the heirs of George Washington Carver and Mr. Peanut?

Meanwhile there's something else concerning peanut butter which you will learn about in the next chapter.




thank you