WIFE

I will behave like a dog. I will do it on the active volcano just like you want. I will wear what you put out on the bed. I will not be a loud drunk any more not spit no more mooning. I will wobble in pearls stilettos pass out elegantly equipped with a designer hand bag. I will use the golf clubs you bought for me & the cart. I will live in Hawaii wear a double bom lei head up the Maui Junior League. I will throw dinner parties back yard parties cocktail parties key parties campaign parties flirt at all your parties. I will stay tan stay bleached stay this skinny for ever. I will tell the guests the story that 1 you like how I was nothing how you saved me. I will brag about you owning all the banks. I will glow like gold I will be your trophy. I want the skiing in Vail I want mambo lessons & a salt water pool. I want to see the money. I get to use the jet when ever. I will have a separate bed room. A separate bath room a separate wing a separate phone line. I don't want you in my business. We will not fight. I will be cordial. You must make an appointment to screw me. I don't cook. I don't do dinner time lunch time family time. I can keep up the image. I will not exercise in public. I will eat squid with your daddy I will play tennis with Joan Didion. I will not do laundry only do dry clean.

I want kids 10 of them all Asian and I get to name the first 1 & he will be Blizzard Laikiki. They will all get a double name get to be called a place & I will fly them there to that place every year on their birth days. I want to be a soccer mom a squash mom a swim meet timer part of a car pool. They will go to boarding school. I do not want to raise them. You must have affairs the right kind of fling. I want a speed boat an electric motor bike & a clean dick. I get to have a gambling problem a drinking problem. I get to have my break downs. You cannot make me take my meds. I promise to make you fall for me every day. I get property in Hilton Head a shop in the Hamptons I get to see my parents in Jersey just like that. My pet comes with me. I do not do quarantine. I get to be cold in the kitchen frigid in bed. I want my own helicopter. I get lessons because I want to be the pilot. I will admit it but only after watermelon & tequila that you make my mound go milky. I know how you want me to act. I can pretend I am your mother. This is the perfect marriage. I need 5 weeks to become this wife.