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The Support Group
by Katherine Grosjean


Hi. My name is Tom.

Hi Tom!

Yeah, hi. Um, like I said, I'm Tom and I de-power my wife's vagina.


I guess I've been de-powering vaginas all my life. Or at least since I was old enough to know where to find them.

sympathetic murmurs, careful low chuckles

I was like most of the other guys I hung out with, you know? I mean, a vagina was just a hole, right? We didn't know it was an organ, or a spiritual centre, Christ we were kids! We learned from each other, man to man. Right or wrong, that's how it was done. I didn't even know I was de-powering vaginas. Not until my wife read The Vagina Monologues by that dyke, er, I mean, lesbian writer Eve Ensler. That's the book that changed my wife's life. And then mine.


Yeah, like I had a choice. Ha. So I guess it's all about women and their vaginas, and how vaginas are thought of as dirty things, or how vaginas have been hurt by guys, or how the words for them and ideas about them have been twisted around and used against the ladies.


Shit. I know I'm forgetting something. Sorry Honey!

blows penitent kiss to back of room

Anyhoo, this book teaches our wives how to change all that crap that's been happening to vaginas. Gets them to say the words, loud, over and over and over again. And not just "vagina" either. No! There's a whole freaking chapter on other names for it. My wife read it out loud to me and I just about pissed myself laughing! I mean, some of them were too hilarious! Coochi scorcher, for chrissakes? I thought this Ensler chick was making them up. But no, these ladies have more names for vagina than Hustler! Ha!


Um, okay. Like none of you guys out there in De-Powered Land ever picked up a copy of Hustler?


Didn't know I was joining a pussy parade, for chrissakes. Anyhoo, like I was saying, there's lots and lots of words for vagina and it looks like they've all been used wrong. Made into bad words. And the ladies are trying to change that. My wife uses "cunt" as her mantra for meditation. That's new too. The meditation, I mean. She has this meditation/yoga instructor come over to our house three times a week for private lessons. And I gotta tell ya, guys, she is HOT! Whoa! I could watch her and my wife twist themselves into pretzels all night. Can't wait till they get to the knees-behind-the-ears pose, if you catch my drift.


Where was I? Oh, yeah. My wife is trying to teach me that there is nothing wrong with the word "vagina". Or "cunt". She wants me to say it as much as possible, wants it to become part of our everyday conversation, like "rain", or "dinner" or "kitty litter". Seriously, she's been keeping tabs. So, I drop them as much as possible. Like when we make love, which is a LOT more often now guys, I talk to her about her cunt, ask her what it wants, if it feels good, if it's hungry. Turns her on like nothing else! Ha, look at her back there. She's blushing! Honey, don't you worry. When we get home, I'm gonna pay extra special attention to that cunt of yours. Yes, indeedy. 'Cos you've got the tightest, pinkest, little cunt this side of Texas. No shit. I could eat you all night, even though you gave up douching and shaving after you read that fucking book.

wife exits, stage left

What? What did I do? Hey, where are you going? I thought you wanted me to say "cunt". Are you changing the rules on me NOW? HERE? What the fuck is wrong with you? HEY, are you listening to me, you fucking CUNT! There! I said it again, Honey! Happy? CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CU

sound system... de-powered







About the Author


Katherine Grosjean's work has appeared or is forthcoming in Snow Monkey, Literary Potpourri, the-phone-book, and mélange. She is an assistant fiction editor at Painted Moon Review (www.paintedmoonreview.com).